The other day, I was on the phone with a friend who had gotten broken up with, and things were really not going well. They felt like they were at a stand still. Why couldn’t they get over said ex? What had they done wrong? The “going to be alone forever” statement was said multiple times. Ya know, the whole kit and caboodle. Y’all. If you saw this person you’d die. I mean drop dead gorgeous, brilliant beyond belief, and has one of the biggest hearts I’ve known in my short quarter of a century here on earth. But what was it? It had been a while (at least six months) and they still weren’t over it. And this tool, was still captivating their thoughts and more importantly their heart. Break ups are the. worst. Take if from someone who falls hard and fast. Call it intense, crazy or psycho. You can really call it whatever the hell you want, but those are the facts. I love people fully. I love them to my core, and that makes getting over someone 1000 times harder when things crash and burn. Want to know a little secret? I’m still a badass, even after being cheated on, lied to, and down right played by a few jokers in my life. Blunt and honest is back at it. I’m giving you my 5 secrets on how I got over my most recent ex.
1. Stay Busy
Currently, downtime is your enemy. It lets your mind wander, and makes you want to crawl into bed and watch Titanic for the one-millionth time. (Spoiler alert: Kate is selfish and lets Jack die while she’s on that damn door.) You need to be constantly doing something. Happy hour? Last minute road trip with semi-randos? Church? Shopping? E. All of the above. Movement is good. Keep on, keepin’ on. The more you’re in public, the less inclined you are to burst into tears. No one actually bursts into tears in Nordstrom. It’s too lovely of a place.
“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t.” Thank you, Elle Woods. Now, I’m not saying you were ever on the verge of killing someone, my point is exercise. What better way to release frustration than working out! They say they best revenge is being happy, right? Next time you run into the loser who let you go, you’ll look smokin’ and be chemically high. Thanks, Crossfit. Ya saved me on that one.
3. Focus On You
Okay, I’m here to say this piece of advice was the most annoying when I broke up with the last lame-o, but I semi-get it now. When people told me that, I was devastated. I pictured my life with the person, and now that wasn’t going to be case. Of course I was going to focus on myself! I HAD NO ONE ELSE TO FOCUS ON… idiots. I think what they mean, is become the best version of yourself. Read all those books you keep buying on your kindle. Go to Spain. Make out with that hot boy/girl you always wondered about innocently. Dance on the table. Get on Tinder. Go on a date with someone different every night of the week. You know why? Because you CAN. It’s you time, baby. Milk it.
This one is important. Maybe read this point twice for good measure. Trust. Trust in The Lord. For me, I believe in Jesus so that’s who I trust with every fiber of my being, but if Jesus isn’t your jam, trust in the universe, Buddah, Allah, that good things will happen for you. God won’t show you gold and give you silver. If you’ve always pictured yourself with 6 babies, a white picket fence, and a hot spouse. Well dammit, you’ll have it. Just not with said person who just exited.
5. Delete. Delete. Delete.
In a world of social media, it seems pretty impossible to make a clean break. The jerk keeps posting all over your instagram, becoming facebook friends with hot people, tweeting hysterical tweets, and talking to randomly on g-chat just to “see how you’re doing.” “Yeah, I’m good, bro. Gotta go.” No. No. Not acceptable. You delete their ass. Immediately. It’s not immature. It’s for your own personal sanity! You don’t need to be seeing tagged photos of them hanging all over their new bar rebound, and you certainly to not need to be talking to them in any form or fashion. Delete them from everything. Yes, that also means your phone. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to drunk call or text “WHY! WHY DID YOU DO THIS!” or “I just miss you” or “Can we talk?” You don’t need them. You’re out doin’ you. Bein’ a rockstar. And if they contact you? That’s on them, but do. not. reply. I repeat. Do not. Things end for a reason, no need to drag your emotions through anymore heart-ache. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
I promise things will be okay. It might be the end of this relationship, but it’s certainly not the end of your life! There is time, and time is on your side. Go have your adventure. There is a big bright world out there just waiting for you to make your mark. You are not defined by your break up. You still rock.
Are you recently out of a relationship? What helped you say “sayonara sucker?” Tell me, tell me. I’ve got a friend in need here.